PB Millionaire: Part 1
Posted by Single Steve on April 8, 2009
Let me start off by saying I am ridiculously excited about this series of blogs that is about to occur. I am literally, literally hyper ventilating about the cynical thoughts that about to come out my brain, down my fingers and into your computer screen.
Jim Lawlor
Why am I so excited you ask? Well, let me introduce you to Jim Lawlor.
Seems like a normal enough guy right? Okay okay. NOW please direct your browsers to www.PBMillionaire.com. Take a second. Soak it in. I’ll give you a minute to browser around and check out all the fantasticness of his site. Let me know when your ready for my analysis of The PB Millionaire.
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Yep. That just happened. NO I didn’t make up this website, post ridiculous fake pictures, make up a ridiculous back story about a fake millionaire douche bag, who lives in a castle in PB for the purposes of this blog. Though it might appear that way, I promise you this guy is 100 percent real. Well, real in the sense, that he’s a real douche.
There’s just so much to talk to, where to start. I think I’m going to have to do this in a 2 parts. This first blog is going to be just about the PB Millionaire himself, his glorious invention, his 11 friends on myspace, and other stalkerish things I can find out about him.
Part two will be about the website it self, taking a deep dive into the videos and photos on the webpage.
So I guess I do a summary of this guy to get us all on the same page.
Summary:
Apparently this guy invented something, became a millionaire. Bought a castle in PB. And now he spends his time throwing lavish parties and outings with hookers, I mean models.. He also had a “website designed with the intention of improving my social life, overcoming my shyness, and possibly creating a buzz for a prospective reality show.” Wow…..
Before I even began my analysis of his website, I did my homework. Hardcore. I researched, like a creep, anything and everything there was to know about the PB millionaire, so I could come in and make a fair analysis of his situation. I just didn’t want to base my opinion on his one shitty website. Maybe he just had a bad web master, who portrayed him to be a douche bag. It turns out quite the opposite. Who ever does his web design, videographer and photography are fucking miracle workers. Believe it or not, this guy is WORST than what he appears to be on this finely polished website.
My thoughts of PB Millionaire:
First of all, oh my fucking god, are you serious. Secondly, no seriously, are you fucking serious? For those of you that don’t know Jim Lawlor as intimately as I do, let me fill you on some history. At some point Jim invented something and became a “Millionaire”, it’s unclear if he’s always been a douche, or became one after he became “rich”. You’re probably wondering, what fantastic invention did he invent!? Was it something to better mankind, peace on earth, maybe a cure for cancer? Maybe it was something complicated, involving cold fusion or sharks with lasers?
Nope. He “invented” spray goggles. Yep. Spray goggles that have a film over the lenses. So when you vision gets blocked by paint on your goggles, you turn a crank and pull over a new clean film over your lenses. See http://www.safetyamerica.com/
I mean sure it’s a good idea, and probably got some practical use, but someone can actually become a “millionaire” from something as terrible as this? Whatever. Fine, so he sells these things on his 1996 looking website, and has enough to buy a castle in PB. How he sells anything on that website is baffling.
After my stalker research I found out his address and it turns out he doesn’t even live in PB. I’m not going to give his actual address because that might be a bit much.
That’s not PB. Don’t kid yourself. According to google you live in a place called Jolla Mesa. And google is never wrong. Never.
Continuing my stalking I found his facebook fan page, with a grand total of 3 fans and his myspace with a whooping 11 friends. I may or may not have over 350 fans of my blog on facebook and 677 friends on myspace. I’m just saying. That doesn’t make me better than him, but it does. And let’s be honest. People have friends for a reason. When someone doesn’t have any friends on a social network it’s probably because no one likes them enough to be friends, even in cyberspace. Which is rough, because the interweb lets all kinds of people that wouldn’t be friends be friends.
According to his myspace he’s 43. Dude, you’re too old for PB. Was RanchoBernardoMillionaire.com already taken? I think its at 32 years old, when PB bars actually stop letting you in. It’s not okay for you to be in PB anymore. Stop. You’re the creepy old guy. I’m 25 and I’m almost too old for PB.
Speaking of myspace. Click on this link if you dare:
An actual photo from his myspace pics
I just threw up in my mouth. Just a little.
This was just part one, a pretense to the actual blog. Part two is coming soon, fully exploring his website, and some gems of youtube videos I found on him. Get excited.
Here it is…..
PB Millionaire, Part 2
Jami said
oh lord, steve.
that picture… you know what else is real in that picture? the light colored stone wash jeans from 1992. mmmhmm!
i’m going to cross post this on my blog, but i’ll wait until you’re done with all your research.
C-Ham said
This actually gives me hope thatmy invention could work.
Katie said
Google IS wrong sometimes.
It made me buy a sex toy for my grandmother.
I wanted to sue Google. I think they would have used my blood alcohol level against me.
R-dezzy said
you know why he’s gay? he listens to coldpay.
Brandi Shae said
Good God Steve did ya have to show that pic this early in the morning?! I mean really, it was a bit much.
Do tell, how did you stumble across this gem of blogging material?!
Cher said
oh.my.dear.god.
that my space pic really did make me gag and then throw up in my mouth alittle. disgusting! *shudder*
i wonder if he is really single? can you hook me up?
Kayna said
hahahaha wow..i can’t wait for the 2nd part!
Andy said
I’m speechless. Literally. Speechless.
I also find it quite humorous that he’s showing off his (supposed) enormous hog while wearing a bright purple t-shirt. No homo. No, really.
Liz said
Oh that picture is priceless. Just because it is real doesn’t mean it is his “thing”. It could be a hamster for all we know.
Myra said
Those whores look paid.
Myra said
And his “thing” doesn’t look all that big, just saying…
Rachel said
OMG! I’ve just discovered your site, and holy crap you are hilarious! and this pb millionaire guy? I think they do need to give him his own reality show, but just to follow him around in how he is now. He pays those girls to hang out with him! all the videos show him with all these women that are only there to hopefully be a model for him, now how he would have anyone “model” for him is beyond me. You definitely need to do the second post on this nut!!!
Hungarican Stephanie said
Let’s face it, you don’t have to go to the website to see that the guy is a massive tool; just look at his head-shot; the rakish swoop of his toupé-like hair across his brow, the ‘Blue-steel’ expression on his face; the goatee; the blue shirt buttoned all the way up; I can imagine he’s holding the camera in his own hand. He’s a millionaire, can’t he afford a nice glamour shot?
Kiyo said
That man is NOT 43 years old! He’s atleast 50- something. Anyone notice the progression of drunkeness that occurs throughout the photos on Mr. Douche’s site? All the chicks look all proper and nice at the beginning of the St. Patrick’s Day party-thing and then they turn all slutty with the multiple shots taken. Classic!!
Can’t wait for part two
dAVE said
we had to toss this jim lawler out of our bar at least 3 times for lewd behavor in public .We finally had him thrown out for good. He is a very sick man with very bad sexual addictions.He likes to flash his strange looking penis at the bar.Well not this bar Jim Lawler .Oh and he is over 50 he has had a facelift and hair transplant surgery.You can often find him being a lecher at a local strip club.He buys his friends,and doesn’t really have any true friends.You might see him with an entourage of losers in a limo downtown sometimes.His loser friends are a whole other story.How they can be seen with this guy is a mystery to all of us here at his former stomping grounds.
Tara said
Ewwwww. ‘Nuff said.
katie said
We followed your instructions! We totally got excited! Give us part 2!
Single Girl said
I think I am going to be sick after seeing those myspace pictures.
vakadesign said
That picture! I wish I could un-see it. Now I’m going to have that in my head all day, “Yes, it’s real.” Ew, ew, ew.
vakadesign said
OH! and on his site….The first of his pics is a shot of his “castle,” but you can see the house next door to the left. It’s just a normal little house that’s built to look like a caste. Oy.
Bunny said
Steven,
I neeeed part 2.
P.S. Invented the pbmillionaire persona just so you could blog about it.
You’re welcome!
Partyperson said
I have been to some of the parties and had a great time, so did most of the other people. Jim seemed like a mellow person. Peole who have never been to the events are saying negative things without knowing about the events it does not make sense. He is also a generous person.
Matt B. said
Where is part 2?
Andrew said
This. Blog. Is. Awesome.
FYI – I think PB stands for “Philanthropist Bachelor”, not Pacific Beach… Which is still horrible and douchebaggy in its own right. I can’t wait for part 2!
Your writing style is hilarious and right up my alley! Keep em comin!
PBMILLIONAIRE said
http://twitter.com/pbmillionaire
Impatiently Waiting said
WTF!!?? We want part 2!
Tom said
The negative comments on this forum are unfounded. I have been to his parties and met some great people. Jim is a generous person, he contributes to several charities.
PB Millionaire, Part 2 « Single Steve said
[...] PB Millionaire: Part 1 [...]
Russell said
His house, er the “castle”, went into loan default on 3/16/2009. The property is now in litigation with First Franklin Loan Service. So if you’re in the market for a little castle (1800 square feet and a two car garage for your chariots) keep an eye on the legal papers for the Trustee Sale.
Brandi Shae said
Well fuck. The castle is gone before Steve even gives us a PB Millionaire Part 2.
Bizmark said
I just watched this guy last night try one of his casting calls. He is a drunk pig. My best friend went thinking it was a legit show, a quarter through the dinner she texts me about how lame it was. I know I was sitting two tables over (they didn’t know that I drove her there). He continued to get plastered and bullshit all night. Thankfully I found this link and can tell my friend these great stories about this piece of shit.
Buko Buxx said
I’ve been hearing about this so-called Reality Show for quite sometime … in LA media circles, they used to call it the “Casting Couch” where sketchy people would use the promise of a TV career to get a career hungry girl into bed!
68Super said
Same Bull Shit different generation, even the girls who work for think he’s a drunk and call him out on it. If he is such a great guy and is only interested in philanthropy why does he ask his potential employees “what is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done” during a job interview. Oh and tell me how much he’s given to to witch charities? What a cover story! Bernie Madoff gave tons of money away and is still a crook how is this guy different? Oh he does not steal but is a pervert with an agenda.